5 ways to deal with a breakup
Ok so yet again I’ve had a long absence from blogging, however, this time I have a very good reason for it, or very bad reason, depending on how you look at it. It’s time to get confessional up in this little corner of the web, after all isn’t that what blogs are for? Kinda?
The reason for my unexplained absence is because I’ve had a pretty significant upheaval in my personal life recently. Tom and I have broken up and I have moved out of our flat. We have separated amicably and move forwards with a huge deal of love and respect for each other. We spent 4.5 years together and only wish the best for each other, that length of love and friendship doesn’t just disappear overnight.
To be perfectly honest with you it’s been brutal. It’s the strangest most painful experience I’ve gone through, it’s been confusing, anger-inducing, painful and even at times hilarious because it seems so absurd. But I’m over the worst of it and all my friends were right, everyday it does hurt a little less and you think about it a little less. Anyway this all means that the blog will have to take a slightly new direction. Don’t worry I’m not gonna become all bitter and cynical on you, but as I am now renting privately again I can no longer paint walls and do the big DIY projects I was working on in my old place (gutted I never got to do the Kitchen reveal for you!). So instead my crafts and DIYs will have to be downsized, more budget friendly and more importantly renter friendly. However, this is an exciting new chapter for me and the blog with lots more going out and exploring the city, taking on new hobbies and filling my time with creative things and inspiring places. I hope you’ll join me along the way!
Now that the slightly awkward explanation is out of the way here are my top 5 ways to deal with a breakup, just in case any of you are experiencing the same thing as me. Feel free to post your advice for the recently heartbroken in the comments.
1 Queen Bey
How did people survive breakups before Beyonce? That’s a serious question! So much of my ‘you’ll be fine’ playlist (the songs I listen to as in the first few weeks relying on the radio was too risky – I did not want to listen to a soppy ballad or love song) is Beyonce and Destiny’s child. That woman knows how to write about a breakup, and also about how to empower yourself, find yourself, get over that guy and thrive.
Speaking of Bey it’s not just her music that inspires, Bey memes have been shared between me and my girls continually as support method.
2 Your friends
Your family are amazing, and they love you unconditionally but will tend to be very mature about the whole thing. It’s your friends, who are always ready to hate on a guy for you but also not hate on them when you don’t want them to, that really help. This experience has shown me that my group of friends are the closest thing I have to sisters. From scooping me up, along with the worst packed luggage ever and moving me in with them, to holding me when I thought I’d never stop crying, to force feeding me healthy food and to forcing me to go out dancing because life goes on. I really can’t over emphasis how important your friends are at times like these. When you’re in a relationship you sometimes put your friends second, put off going out with them in favour of lazy nights in with your boyfriend. This is fine and almost expected, but the best thing is it’s all forgiven. They will pick you up straight away without being asked and suddenly you’re too busy to miss your ex. Also it’s great to have their perspectives on love and relationships and hear from their experiences in similar situations, it might feel like it at times but you are never alone in what you are going through.
I know you may feel like wallowing in bed and never getting out again but trust me, going out helps. Whilst I’m not saying get hammered all the time (and on certain days adding alcohol to the mix will not help at all!) but going out with your girls, making an effort to look nice and dancing is so therapeutic. As my friends said to me you can stay at home alone and be miserable or you can come out and be miserable around people. While that might not sound appealing it’s amazing how quickly your mood can change when you’re surrounded by the people you love raving to 90s cheese, a cocktail in hand doesn’t hurt either. Take the time to wallow and stay in bed as much as you need but remember that sometimes a distraction is the best remedy.
So the future you thought you had has been ripped away, it sucks and is super confusing, but you have to look at this as an opportunity. That future may be gone (or at least altered) but that’s not the end for you. You now have the opportunity to make whole new plans, and the best part is these plans aren’t dependent on anyone else. You have been given the golden opportunity to be completely selfish. For me the big plans I am focusing on are more travelling. I love travelling and always intended to have done more but, like a lot of things, life got in the way and I was waiting to do it with my Ex at some undetermined future point. Now I can just go, I don’t have to wait for someone else to save up or for it to be the right time in their career. This is one of the weird blessings of a breakup, you have your freedom back. Whilst my relationship was in no means awful or some kind of prison and I am still very proud of it, it’s great to now be able to revert to a normal, selfish 25 year old. My only worries are how to afford rent, nights out and Topshop hauls. I can dream about partying on exotic beaches knowing that that will be a reality for me in the not too distant future. So for that I’m kinda grateful.
5 Find your therapy
By that I mean find whatever activity helps you feel better and process things. For some that might be actual therapy. For me it’s walking and writing. I write emails, either to myself or Tom, emails that I never send. It’s the act of writing them and getting out my emotions that is really cathartic. It also helps me clear my head. I highly recommend writing all your thoughts and feelings before bed if you want to clear your head to go to sleep. I even write about future hopes and dreams, anything that helps me process what’s going on and feel better about the future. The walking is a similar thing, time alone with my thoughts whilst getting fresh air and exercise. It’s also helped with toning up and feeling better about my body and myself. Exercise is so important but also so easy to overlook, taking care of your body really helps take care of the mind.
So those are a few of the things that have helped me. Going through a breakup is never easy or nice but it doesn’t mean your life is over. It takes as long as you need it to, don’t feel bad if you’re not over it months down the line, instead take pleasure in the small victories – the days you don’t cry, the mornings you are able to not think about your ex. You might feel that you want to crawl into bed and not get out for 6 months but at the end of the day life goes on and you just have to keep swimming. The world isn’t over, this too shall pass and you will come out of it stronger than ever. Whilst we never know what the future holds if we focus on the opportunities and freedoms given to us and take time to re-evaluate who we are, what we want out of life or love and make time to grow then there’s a chance this might be the best thing that ever happened.
All the love! Sarah X
P.S. Here are some articles that helped me, what would we do without Buzzfeed?